FREELARD!

ROUND 6: TIN HAT VS. WATERWHEEL

Despite appearances, D was actually present and not photoshopped in.

Creepy baby.

Please don't drink and bedazzle.

T-ball: not nearly as intoxicated as she appears in this photo.

Drinking on the Prairie

"The Tower": cheaper than two pitchers of PBR

D has a love/hate relationship with the camera (note Marilyn pucker).

Giant stools: now built for the 21st century American ass.

A is not impressed.

Jager girls: dive bar style.

WINNER: WATERWHEEL!

*******

NACHO RE-FUEL & KAROAKE BREAK: TARASCO

In memory of Patrick.

******

ROUND 7: THE BIT VS. HATTIE'S HAT

As much as we saw of The Bit before we realized there was a $5 cover.

J & his murse: sadly, the only "good" Hattie's photo available.

WINNER: HATTIE'S HAT! (no cover, also dive-a-licious)

******

ROUND 8: LOCK & KEEL VS. SMOKE SHOP

Lock & Keel: no photos available as we were too busy trying to find a spot to stand.

Motorhome bars: the new trend in mobile dining.

Smoke Shop: the waitresses have worked here since it opened. Also, pie.

WINNER: BALLARD SMOKE SHOP!

Match 5: Redwood Versus Summit Public House

This was a half-hearted excuse to get a couple of last pints in after the fantastic and very prompt Freelance Whales / Shout Out Louds show at Neumo's last weekend. We figured we could still judge fairly, given that our cumulative number of visits to these establishments totals somewhere near five zillion. Here's the breakdown:

REDWOOD: food, enough hipsters to stuff a bear, the rare and elusive mounted animal head (insert ironic tone), Shiner (valued by those members of the team previously residing in Austin), Fleetfoxes, bears, beards, bears with beards and beer. Also, the hipster clientele provides authentic gritty feeling from collective stance against bathing.

SUMMIT PUBLIC HOUSE: Shane, soccer, Patty, cycling, pool, outdoor seating and the brief ability to order quail alongside PBR for less than $15. Please come back, Nick.

WINNER: SUMMIT PUBLIC HOUSE

Match 4: Roanoke vs. the Zoo

THE ROANOKE

Rolled down the hill to this north CapHill hideaway just in time, as it looks like it may be going the way of the dodo come July 1. This only deepens our appreciation for this dusky sports / dive bar, as did the cheese coma from their delicious nachos.

K's very best Vanna highlighting the very plush seating

Nacho delight! Cheese coma not pictured.

Just around the bush - not one but TWO! pong tables.
Also, note / imagine the sunset view through trees.

CHEESE: delightful offering of assorted televised sporting events, fact that they occasionally play old black and white films on AMC instead of football, back deck, PONG!, cheap daily deal board

PICKLES: general feeling of safety at all times

*******

THE EASTLAKE ZOO TAVERN

This Seattle icon has a long and hippi-riffic history. It was originally started as a co-op bar in the 1970s (take that Whole Foods). Some of the original crowd is still around, including one pony-tailed fella who tirelessly hits on the ladies.

This random Zoo patron graciously demonstrates proper shuffleboard technique.

The zoo's fiercest creature.

MANNY'S: snooker (fortunately not related in any way to Snooki from Jersey Shore), the hidden monstrosity of the place, paper mache dragons, secret view from the upstairs level, shuffle board, varied clientele (hippies, bikers, students, yuppies), free peanuts, mimosa Monday's, scary exterior, general atmosphere of seediness with a robust hint of dirt

ZIMA: no nachos (or hot food for that matter, since the hot dog wheel is no longer rolling).

**********

WINNER: THE ZOO

Next Up: North Cap Hill, Etc.

The Roanoke Vs. The Zoo

Thursday, May 13

7:30 Roanoke back deck (forecast: 73 degrees!!!)

8:30ish Zoo

*The fact that there is not a logo for the Roanoke is in no way an indication of bias** - they simply do not have a logo available for use online.

**Okay, we may be slightly biased.

Round 3: Hideout vs. The Buck

This drizzly weekday night was perfect for cozying up in a dark, damp dive bar. Travel arrangements were less difficult/adventurous than last week due to our starting location on Pill Hill at the Hideout. It was not long after entering its gilded, subtly labeled doors that we began to doubt its relevance to our endeavor, however.

T sneaking in late.

Even the bathroom could not escape the Hideout's baroque glamour.

This machine dispenses art. Also, mustache necklaces.
No need to guard your face from perfume.

Pros: lovely interior, close proximity to assorted hospitals in case of injury by lion-eating aliens, delicious cocktails, more art than patrons, great service

Cons: Not a dive bar, painting of aliens feasting on a dead lion above E's head

DISQUALIFIED.
Grounds: not a dive bar.
*Recommend entry into pseudo-speakeasy challenge.

**********************

WINNER (BY DEFAULT): The Buck

Overall, the Buck has a well executed faux "dive in that little hunting town in Eastern Washington where they race outhouses every winter" feel.*

"We love fake log cabin walls!" - K & T

Superior entertainment provided by plastic cowboy miniature set.

In case the horses didn't provide enough entertainment, Under the Tuscan Sun played on continuous stream while we were there.
I am not lying.

Nachos = delicious. Sadly, we hit cheese overload before ordering the mac'n'cheese.

PROS: 1. great for faux hunters/fishing people
2. most hipsters look like faux hunters/fishing people with the plaid and the beards and the not bathing and whatnot
3. Capitol Hill is filled with hipsters
Conclusion: this is the perfect faux dive bar for Capitol Hill

Cons: Under the Tuscan Sun.

*

Shout out: Bottleneck Lounge

The BottleNeck Lounge, a delightful wisp of a bar sandwiched between Madison and 23rd, was a new discovery to many of the diving crew. Though not a dive bar by any means, it deserves mad props for its excellent theme party throwing skills. We will be back (especially if it involves hats, gloves, mustaches....).

Hats off to costumes.

The dudes were somewhat less creative with hat selection. J would've totally won Best Hat if he'd gone with the leopard fez.

Next up: Cap Hill

Next up: join us at the Hideout (not really divey but an excuse for some of us to check it out) at 7:30 on Tuesday, May 4 for the third baroff.

Working late? Meet up with us at the The Buck after 8:30.

Rounds 1 & 2: Southern Division

The day of the initial baroff arrived, and we piled into the Metro to White Center for an ambitious double header. The gentleman in front of us had also been participating in a pub (or perhaps liquor store) crawl, which really set the mood.

Unfortunately, the two "blocks" between the bus stop and Loretta's included a half mile walk past crumbling warehouses and over the collapsing Duwamish bridge. M was prepared for danger (mom's mace finally comes in hand), and was apparently rabid like a raccoon.


Thanks to K for spotting us on the bridge and saving us from lives as streetwalkers.

SOUTHERN LADIES: LORETTA'S VERSUS GOLDIE'S

Loretta's:

Uppers: cozy cabin feel, delicious $3 cheeseburgers, old timey vinyl, airstream!, Spanish praise service next door in case of beer-induced religious contrition, locals at bar

Downers: public transportation access

Caveat: must revisit when weather permits adequate evaluation of fabulous patio

Goldie's (surprisingly not a strip club):

*Please note fantasy karaoke band behind E's head

Jello shots, spring break south of SoDo style

Only one quarter to have a giant cloud of fake Calvin Klein Obsession sprayed in your face!

Advantages: authenticity ("This is, like, for real for these people"), toothless man at bar, fantasy karaoke, 1960s perfume machine in bathroom in case you need to seduce toothless man at bar from across the room, $1 jello shots

Disadvantages: no strippers, vinyl seats stick if you're wearing jorts

Caveat: we didn't participate in fantasy karaoke, no one was wearing jorts

WINNER: LORETTA'S

***********************************************

ROUND 2: 9lb HAMMER VS. JULES MAES

9lb Hammer:


Thumbs up: tamale closet!, old timey Georgetown building, shuffle board, PEANUTS, men

Thumbs down: no toothless men, single stall ladies room (really?!?)

Caveat: peanut stupor may have biased evaluation



Jules Maes:



Plus: meatloaf, old timey building, arcade, Georgetown photo board

Minus: sweet back room venue has been converted into a pool room, empty at 11pm on Saturday

Caveat: no beer or meatloaf actually consumed during match

WINNER: 9lb HAMMER

March Madness

Like many of history's great ideas, the Seattle Dive Bar Showdown was birthed in a haze of beer vapor and smoke. Our favorite watering holes had been overtaken by sports crazed fans. The cheering! The colorful jerseys! The enthusiasm! We were sick, and not from too many pitchers of Manny's. In their fanaticism, these "Seattlites" had lost sight of the point: drinking. Had they learned nothing from the Sonics debacle?

During spring training at the Summit, we divided the city into four divisions, trimmed the long list of potential contenders, and finalized the bracket. Thanks to E (and bracketsoftware.com) for the useful graphics: http://www.bracketsoftware.com/detail/pool2.php?pk_pool=1068.

We are ready for competition!